10 Strategies For Dealing With Drama

“So, you’re saying I’ve always been slower than the others?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re only telling me this now, after five shows?”

before I knew it, my arms folded across my chest and my features twisted to reveal ‘the face’. You know the one. How dare he ridicule me in front of all my colleagues, when I was the ‘one’ who was chosen to dance the final solo in Marco Goecke’s ‘Blushing’? I had worked  my ass off for this, and I knew what I was doing. I didn’t deserve to be put on the spot like that, and I’m sure everyone in the room thought so, too. 

* * *

“Let’s try to use the back more, so we can…”

before I could finish my sentence he turned his back to me and walked to the other end of the studio, just like that. I was stunned. What had I done to deserve such disrespect? Had I said something wrong? Am I a bad teacher?

* * *

These kinds of situations are not uncommon in the world of professional dance, nor in fact any part of the human experience. It’s normal that emotions run high now and then, our egos get the better of us, and scenes like these play out. However, it’s not a very pleasant sensation, whether you’re a participant in the drama, or just an innocent bystander.  I haven’t been teaching all that long, but apart from that one experience mentioned above, I have stood before a studio full of weary faces, had people talking loudly in the back while I’ve demonstrated exercises and even heard the snide comment or two. I’m sure I haven’t seen the worst of it yet, but when it comes I would like to be ready.

Which brings me to why I was interested in writing this blog post. Until this moment, I have only worked as a guest teacher, which has separated me from the day to day drama of a full-time dance company. My goal is to eventually work as a rehearsal director, a thankless position but one where I could really be of service to dancers and choreographers alike. The rehearsal director is quite often the target of these bad attitudes, since there is much more respect for the director/choreographer position, so I see it as my duty to be prepared!

There are many reasons why these events occur in the first place. As soon as you put more than one person in an enclosed space, drama will arise, especially when these people are artists. The ego plays a big part in all this, and there’s no escaping it because we all have one, whether or not we like to admit it. Nobody likes being thought of as bad, wrong or incompetent, and we all suffer in one way or another from the fear of failure. I have not met a single person who doesn’t have some kind of insecurity.  

Another thing to consider is how people react to authority, which stems from our early childhoods, within the first seven years or so of our lives. We still respond to authority based on the way we did towards our parents or parent-figures and how they treated or responded to us, so it can be difficult to predict how someone will behave in certain situations. Some things don’t change, even as we get older and more independant, especially when we are not aware of it. 

So, what would be the best thing to do when confronted with a difficult situation, or bad attitudes? After spending a significant amout of time reading books and articles on human behaviour and psychology, including Robert Greene’s The Laws of Human Nature, which I highly recommend, I found some strategies that could work for me. I’m a sensitive person who tries to avoid confrontation as much as possible, unless I know it’s necessary, or if my feelings (ego) have been badly hurt (read story above). My point is, these are things that could work for me, and my aim is not to create an instruction manual. So here goes nothing. 

10 Strategies for Dealing with Drama 

1. Take a pause, and a breath, or both. Sometimes a moment is all you need to assess the situation. A bit of space and objectivity will allow you to decide on your next step as calmly and as rationally as possible. 

2. Don’t take it personally. How other people think, behave or react is out of your control. In Robyn Hartley’s essay ‘Dealing with Attitudes’, behaviour is an outward expression of inward emotions. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their projection and perspective. 

3. Remain calm. Even if people notice that’s what you’re trying to do. From my experience, it could make the other person even more exasperated, but more often than not it has the reverse effect. Monkey see, monkey do. 

4. Take the time to consider your next action. Don’t worry about the awkward silence, it might even be beneficial. In some cases, it could even reveal the ridiculousness of the situation. 

5. Listen with your ears and your eyes. Really listen to them if the reaction is verbal and pay attention to their tone of voice to avoid any misunderstanding. More importantly, look out for non-verbal cues and body language. The line between hostility and nervousness or anxiety can be blurry. Make sure your intention is to help everyone, including yourself, to move on from this situation. 

6.  Ask questions. What can you do to help? How could you have said or done it differently? What do they need? This could end up aggravating them further, but it will get them to take a step back and consider things.  

7. Deal with it later. If you realise that it can’t be solved in that moment, calmly tell the person or people that it will be discussed after the class or rehearsal. This would mean dealing with negative tension for a short while, but it will save you precious rehearsal time. It is important, however, to deal with it and keep your promises. 

8. Call a time out. This is only if it escalates into a full-blown argument or a dramatic scene, and these really do happen. It takes about 20 minutes for all the stress hormones to chill out, so I would even suggest using a timer and just take a break, which will give you time to do step 4.

9. Remember your ‘why’. At the risk of sounding self-improvement-y, make sure you have a list of ‘why’s. The reason you do what you do. This might provide you with a solution or at least put things back into perspective. 

10. Forgive yourself. If it happens that you lose control of yourself and your emotions, it’s okay. You’re only human, and you’re doing your best at that point in time, just like everyone else. Even if you don’t manage to solve this problem in an instant, it will pass, the same as everything in life.  

* * *

A colleague that I really looked up to confronted me and pointed out that my reaction was uncalled for, so I did end up apologising to our rehearsal director for behaving like such a diva. His response was that he was a bit shocked, because he didn’t expect such a response from me. 

* * * 

I learned a few days later that this student of mine was quite upset that he kept getting a lot of corrections from all the teachers, because he was an apprentice in the company. His reaction had nothing to do with me as a teacher. At this point (about 3 years after the first story) I had already aquired the tools of mindfulness as well as the exposure to Stoic and Buddhist philosophy, so I could let my doubts go and turn back to what was more important in that moment, the other dancers in the company and the rest of my class. 




Thank you to these very lovely people who sent in their photos of 'resting bitch faces'. Thank you Sofia , Amadeus, Chiara, Daniel, Noemi, Serena and Beatrice! (Click on their names to follow them on Instagram!)